Marriage is a special milestone in every person’s life. It’s an event whose every detail has been thought over painstakingly till perfection has been achieved. One often ends up day dreaming about post marital bliss and the life they’ll live after marriage.
However, in our country, where matters of the heart usually end up under the carpet, very few families actually sit and discuss their feelings and emotions and fewer brides are primed for this huge Ms. to Mrs. leap.
I have taken the liberty and compiled some pointers for brides-to-be on sparking healthy transitions as the day of the wedding inches closer and we’re swarmed with emotions left right and centre!
First off, why have ‘The Transition Talk’?
For the simple reason that you’re about to experience a huge emotional change, a rollercoaster with a large number of ups and downs. Add a considerable amount of homesickness and nerves to that.
Also because you’re leaving the familiarity of your home and family and starting off with a family of your own. You won’t be waking up in the comfort of your old bed whose every scratch and chipped paint you know of by heart. And let’s be honest, it’s just tough to sleep in someone else’s bed, at least for a little while.
Because there will be newness, in your relationships and within yourself. New responsibilities, new faces as you step into your forever family. A beautiful journey of additions and keeping close what you already have.
And in the midst of all this, it’ll be very natural if, by chance, you end up feeling overwhelmed. It might come to you when you’re in the midst of a shopping spree or it might come to you at work, it can even sneak up on you during your quieter moments.
Every person is different and unique but it’s very normal to ask for a breather, to ask for help when needed.
To begin with, we’ll be addressing the elephant in the room, What do I do with all my emotions?
Let’s begin by validating our thoughts – You’re going through such a whirlwind of a time. It might be an anxious or stressful time for some, some might feel sad, nervous, overjoyed or even underwhelmed. It’s ALL ok! You might want to start by taking each day as it comes.
Embrace your emotions, don’t shun them – You’ll have a lot of feelings for everyone in your life. Starting with your parents, your siblings, other family members, your pet, to your friends. Talk about what you’re feeling, don’t try to escape your feelings, it will put added stress to your otherwise packed days.
Don’t downplay your emotions – Make it a point to feel your emotions fully whenever they occur, running away or packing them away will do you more harm than good. Understand that these are special moments you’re living with special people in your life. Moments that will never come back again. So Instead of downplaying how you’re feeling, let your emotions find expression.
Then there’s the bittersweet Leaving Home.
Ah, this one might just be the toughest cookie! How do you part with the primal people in your life, the ones that have nurtured you since the day you were born and fulfilled your every need with the purest of intention?
Reframe your thoughts – Change the narrative by reframing your thought patterns attached to the concept of leaving one’s home post marriage. Think about it this way, you’re adding new relationships to your life, not replacing them. The existing ones are bound to get stronger.
Communicate to loved ones – Talk to your family, take time out for them, it doesn’t matter how crazy your or their schedule is, let them know about your emotions and acknowledge their feelings as well.
This is a process, make space for it – Leaving the comfort of your home and familiar faces behind, people who have raised you and loved you is no easy job. It’s normal to feel what you’re feeling. Give yourself time to adjust to this change.
In the midst of all this, try positively focusing on your Relationship as well.
During your courtship, you might feel overwhelmed with so many emotions and might end up taking it all out on your partner. Or, you might end up shunning each other, no matter, it’s all okay! Here are a couple of pointers on how to put each other first:
Take time out for your partner – It might sound easy, but it can be very tough. As the wedding day closes in on you, you might find yourself being too busy for one another. However, taking time out for one another doesn’t mean going on elaborate dinners or dates, it can even mean taking a moment to text one another asking if they’re doing ok.
Talk to your partner about the transition – Make your partner aware about your qualms and boundaries, be open and honest about your life post marriage so as to prepare yourself and your partner about your expectations.
Include your partner in your decisions – Make sure to include your partner in your decisions even if it isn’t related to them. Let them know that they’re a valuable part of your life by taking their opinions into account.
Be patient with one another – During your courtship, make sure to give each other time if needed on multiple occasions and remember that every person has a unique personality and temperament.
Make time for fun together – Keeping all these pointers in mind, do make time for fun together and let your relationship flourish and savour this time of happiness.
I’d like to encapsulate this article by asking you to Focus on Yourself.
Take time out for yourself – Pamper yourself, your body and your mental health. Do what you love to do, whether its spending time with loved ones or spending some time alone, relish these moments with yourself.
As your circumstances change, remember to be yourself – Don’t change yourself to please others, although it might be tough to do so at first. Remember that it’s taken you years to reach where you are. Respect others’ wishes but also your own. Marriage might mean stepping out of your comfort zone and to grow, every person must accept to face challenges, both good and bad.
Practice self love – If feeling overwhelmed, practice Journaling and Mindfulness often. It’s a simple exercise but it’s effect is deep and long lasting.
Lastly, there’s nothing sweeter than feeling the love that’s been showered onto one during this time. Take it all in and sit with the feeling for as long as possible, enjoy every moment of becoming a bride and remember to keep your mind healthy and happy.
However, if you have a deep seated issue related to marital transition (or any other issue), do reach out to your therapist. Remember to not shy away from your problems at this time or try to ignore them.
Make your mental health a priority, today and always.
Founder at SparkED Wellness,
Counselling Psychologist, Art Therapist, Emotional Intelligence Practitioner